I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
