okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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