If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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