is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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