I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Umm I'm too high to move.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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