You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
