I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
did i just pee glitter
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
