Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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