Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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