I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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