I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
