Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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