He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
