come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize