Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
