yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
