thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
