Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
