I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
