I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
third nipple confirmed
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
