she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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