is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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