I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
