Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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