The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
