david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
