you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
