My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
