im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
