Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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