He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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