You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
