Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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