Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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