oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
