im about as happy as oj after his trial
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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