I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
