so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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