I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
