The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
