my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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