I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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