I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
