Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
wow bdsm is so cute
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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