Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
