just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
