My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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