Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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