Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
