Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's never too late to be topless.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
