My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
