there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize