he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
