last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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