Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
