Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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