dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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