when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
