When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
