I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
