Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
