So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
