I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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