I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
