if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
