Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
