we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
