what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
