So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
