i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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