what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
