if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
