I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize