I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and she was petting her beer can
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
